While chatting with Mary on the phone, I learned that although she had been assigned to a school because of Ghana’s National Service Law, she was not paid for this assignment. She also complained that her phone had a fault and remembered to thank me for the bag of cosmetics I had sent her. The following day, I was preoccupied with how to help her appropriately. Because if I offered her any assistance at all, I didn’t want it to be misunderstood or misconstrued in any way. While contemplating my next action, The Spirit spoke to me in my right ear and said, “Send her money.” That directive was received on a Saturday afternoon, and I did as I had been told on Sunday morning. Before this phenomenon, I had spoken to a few trusted friends who gave me the same advice. I called Mary to alert her regarding the transmission of funds. She advised me that she had received the money sent and thanked me. Over the years, I realized that giving money to a woman was a big deal in Ghana, as were any acts of compassion or kindness. I knew that Mary would be without any income for the foreseeable future. Therefore, I sent her money weekly, and she was always appropriately grateful and thanked me for my kindness.
After I sent her the cosmetics, I asked Mary when she could visit my house. She responded, “Well, right now, I’m busy preparing for my licensure exams, but afterward, I will come.” She completed her studies successfully, took the examination, and passed all subjects but never kept her promise. I couldn’t help observing that although the weeks changed into months, Mary never visited my home, nor did she try to make any arrangements with me to do so. On one occasion, I asked her, “When do you plan to start caring for your husband?” Her reply was, “James, this is Africa. A young lady can’t go to a man’s house to do chores.
“Furthermore,” she continued, “I belong to the Fanti Tribe, and our culture and mores wouldn’t permit me to come to your house unless we have a very special relationship. However, I will tell you when I’m ready.” At the end of April, she told me she wanted me to give her the money she needed to purchase an outfit and shoes to attend a friend’s wedding. At first, I agreed, but after losing my money card, I realized that facilitating such a transaction was impossible for me to accomplish. Although Mary was disappointed, she tried not to make a big deal out of it. After receiving notification that she had passed her examination, she wanted to celebrate with her friends and invited me to foot the bill. I consented, especially since this event was to commemorate a tangible occurrence. I offered to meet with her at the local hospital to give her the money she requested, but she said such an arrangement was completely out of the question. After leaving my apartment early one Sunday morning for my regular diurnal walk, I fell and fractured my fibula. I contacted Mary on WhatsApp, explained what had happened, and even sent her pictures. I asked her to bring me some food, and she refused, asserting that her culture wouldn’t permit her to prepare and take food to a man to whom she wasn’t married.”
None of these rationalizations made sense to me, and I tried to clarify my reservations to her. Her response was, “You are disrespecting me.” I had heard this kind of comeback many times before, and it was invariably from people who were suffering from some kind of mental illness. I recalled the scene that Mary and her mother made at the market while I was attempting to converse with Mary’s sister, and I became convinced that part of her problem was paranoia. She didn’t want anyone to see the two of us together, so why? I shared all of these experiences with a few of my trusted friends. I had learned in the past from painful and brutal experiences to seek counsel from others because there are some things that we cannot see. People are not created equal. Some gifts we have, and some we don’t.
All of my friends were in shock. One of them, who works at The Holy Family Hospital, asserted that “no such culture exists.” Others advised me to avoid any or all of the girls in the tribe mentioned above. They all agreed that I was the victim of just another Ghanaian romance scam. “How does she expect you to get to know each other better unless she comes to your house?” I shared my friends’ reservations with Mary out of respect for her and concern for myself. To my shock and dismay, she flew into a rage. What Clinical Psychologists would describe as an inappropriate affect (mood), she also started to run for cover. “I made it clear to you from the beginning that I wasn’t interested in any kind of romantic involvement,” She said. This assertion was her first desperate attempt to cover her ass. “Even though I told you that, you’ve been trying to purchase me with your money,” she continued. Mary probably felt the first rationale wasn’t good enough, so the second one was enacted. The thought that was uppermost in my mind was if her actions were honorable, then why all of these nonsensical lies? As an experienced Clinician, I knew that these assertions were delusions. My friends had warned me that I should exercise due caution under the present circumstances. Accordingly, I stopped sending her money.
There were many unresolved issues in my mind. Why was she unwilling to come to my house? Was it because she was afraid of being exposed? Maybe she didn’t know how to cook, clean house, or iron clothes. A disgrace for a young African woman who also has a degree in Education. Maybe she was suffering from grandiose delusions, believing that household chores were beneath her dignity. Such a belief would be consistent with her brazen emotional callousness and the fact that she was also obviously withdrawn. Behavioral patterns that are common among people afflicted with Paranoid Schizophrenia. Why didn’t she want to be seen anywhere with me? Was this because of some psychotic or personality disorder? Whenever we chatted at the market, other people saw us together. Did she accept the money I sent her because she wanted it to accumulate to a certain amount before having social contact with me? Or was she denying me the benefit of any interpersonal intercourse until she had obtained all the money she craved? This would be tantamount to some kind of extortion. A common symptom of people suffering from psychosis is an irrational fear of poverty. For this very reason, they resort to hoarding.
As I walked past Mary’s mother’s market stall one weekday, she was courteous enough to thank me profusely for my kindness towards Mary. Therefore, I didn’t want to stop sending Mary money abruptly without informing her mother of the reasons for my actions. I asked Mary to give me her mother’s telephone number, but she refused. Claiming that her mother couldn’t speak English. Although her mother had conversed with me in excellent English on many occasions. Her refusal ruined my plans to have one of my friends, who didn’t know her mother, call her. I had no choice but to ask one of my friends (fluent in Tri) who knows Mary’s mother. To speak to her on my behalf and advise her that I had stopped sending Mary money for the following reasons:
- She doesn’t come to my house.
- I fractured my fibula in June and asked Mary to bring me some food, and she refused.
- She never goes anywhere with me because she fears other people might see us together.
It is simply contrary to common sense why any right-thinking person would expect to receive gifts and money indefinitely without reciprocating in some way. Predictably, Mary was severely disappointed at my decision to stop supporting her financially. However, she made no assertion to that effect. Instead, she chose to abuse me verbally. My response to her was, “Please don’t pull my tongue because I have no desire to fight with you. Although I perceive that you love to argue. Just remember the scriptural injunction, ‘He who keeps his tongue, keeps his life.'”
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