Since my initial visit to Ghana in 2014, I’ve learned the value of eternal vigilance. You just cannot be too careful. I ran into an attractive young woman, while I was living in Brenyekwa. A small village located to the north and about fifteen minutes’ drive by the local Okada (taxi), from Berekum. She was 24 years of age, and being trained as a beautician about two buildings up the road from where I was living. We chatted and she and her friends assured me that she was single. I invited her to attend church with me, bought her clothes, and gave her money to braid her hair. I also equipped her with shoes, bags, and whatever else she needed. For a period of time, I contemplated the possibility of having a long-term relationship with her. She was pleasant, charming, fairly well educated, and spoke excellent English. She came to my house routinely to wash, cook, iron, and socialize. After about one month I started to receive some spiritual warnings. They were visions and dreams which conveyed the message that I was being deceived. Initially, I couldn’t perceive exactly what the Spirit was trying to tell me, but everything finally became clear.
One of my neighbors visited with me, and while we were discussing one of his pressing problems, he asked me if I loved my newfound friend? “Why do you need to know that I inquired?” “Well,” said he, “I’m reliably informed that she is a married woman. In fact, her brothers came here the other day to give you a beating. However, my brother-in-law and I prevented anything from happening. Because we persuaded them that you were completely innocent. Since the woman had claimed that she was single. I almost fainted. Previous to this meeting the Spirit had informed me, “That I was flirting with a married woman.” I just didn’t understand what He was talking about. Now, the ugly, painful, inconvenient truth was staring me in the face. After receiving that report I confronted her but she vociferously denied all the allegations. Interestingly enough she stopped visiting my house and never came to church with me again.
“In my distress, I cried to the Lord, And He heard me.
Deliver my soul, O Lord, from lying lips And from a deceitful tongue. What shall be given to you, Or what shall be done to you,
You false tongue? Sharp arrows of the warrior, With coals of the broom tree!” Psalm 120:1-4 (NKJV).
At the commencement of our friendship, I invited my female friend (Hazel), and her sister to have lunch with me at the Ahenfie Hotel restaurant. Located on the outskirts of Berekum. Just a little removed from the Berekum Suyani main road. I specifically asked the sister, during lunch, if her sibling was either married or involved in any other form of emotional entanglement. The sister assured me in no uncertain terms that my female friend was free, single, and disengaged. Obviously, and regrettably, they had colluded together to lie to me. The simple truth is an encumbrance to some people. They prefer to live in a world where facts are disposables. They invent their own alternative reality from day to day. They exist in a world of make-believe, employing fables and myths from which they extract some form of fleeting psychological and emotional panacea. Conspiracies come in many forms but they are dangerous and sometimes can be quite deadly. The question that comes to my mind however is what are the circumstances that compel people to behave in this way? I held many conversations with Hazel and one of the questions that I asked her was, “How is it that a girl as attractive as you are, has no boyfriend?” Her response was, “I had a boyfriend a long time ago but he has many women, and I really hate that. You can take me away from him if you want to.”
The plain truth has a way of breaking forth, even when it’s encapsulated in symbolic language. She had revealed important facts about herself but I wasn’t paying attention. Was this her cry for help? Marriages in Ghana are usually structured in such a way that you just can’t walk away from them. Because the prospective groom usually has to pay a bride price to the head of the woman’s family. In most cases, if the marriage is disannulled then the bride price has to be returned.
The bride price list is an integral part of the traditional marriage ceremony, commonly referred to as the engagement ceremony in Ghana. The foundational essence of the bride price was for the suitor to pay a somewhat hefty amount to the bride’s family before the bride is given away to the suitor, as it symbolizes how valuable the bride is, to her family. This serves to first of all ensure that the suitor is a hardworking man, as one would need to work (or have a job, if you will), to be able to afford to marry and hence take care of a family. Secondly, the amount spent on the list makes it difficult for a couple to easily opt for divorce, as by custom, the items paid by the suitor on the list are supposed to be returned by the bride’s family should divorce ensue. The bride price is thus very important, not necessarily for its monetary value but for its significance in a traditional Ghanaian marriage. (QUORA: Is The Bride Price Still A Custom In Ghana? By Fifi Brakatu).
Poverty is a crucial dilemma in Ghana. Most homes have television sets on which screens the gaudy technologies of the Western world are frequently displayed. People see and crave the materialism that mercilessly bombards their eyes and ears. Many young men and women resort to deception, trickery, and outright fraud. To obtain just a modicum of the merchandise assembled in the local stores and for which they have no filthy lucre to pay. Married women are no exception. I left Ghana in October 2015 to return to the USA. In January of the following year, I gave Hazel a call. Just to see how she was doing. Not only was she very happy to hear from me but wondered why I had waited such a long time to get in touch with her. My response to her question was, “Hazel, you are a married woman. Why would I contact you?” Her emphatic reply was, “I’m not married Mr. James.” Her lies were unending. With this and other falsehoods, she sought to drag me into her undulating web of deception. But The God of Truth had already cautioned me regarding her true status. I could only ignore such warnings at my own peril.
“For the commandment is a lamp, And the law a light; Reproofs of instruction are the way of life, To keep you from the evil woman,
From the flattering tongue of a seductress. Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, Nor let her allure you with her eyelids. For by means of a harlot, A man is reduced to a crust of bread; And an adulteress will prey upon his precious life.” Proverbs 6:23-26 (NKJV)
I returned to Ghana in 2018 and went to look for my friend, who initially warned me that Hazel was actually a married woman. He announced to me, “That less than a year after my departure Hazel had given birth to a healthy baby boy. “Who,” claimed he “Was the spitting image of me.” I subsequently visited with some other friends who gave me a different story. Their version was that she had indeed given birth to a son but the child was born two years after I returned to the U.S.A. By that time Hazel was a fully qualified Beautician and was now a mistress with her own hair styling and Nail Polishing enterprise. I paid her a visit, guided to her location by another friend. I remained there for about fifteen minutes and chatted briefly. Later that same day she called me. After doing so she attempted to brainwash me into thinking that she only got married after my departure to a foreign shore. I wasted no time attempting to argue with her. I wished her well. Grateful to The Lord Almighty for His continued leadership in my life.
Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips. Do not incline my heart to any evil thing, To practice wicked works
With men who work iniquity; And do not let me eat of their delicacies. Psalm 141:3-4
(TO BE CONTINUED)
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